Continued at TGStories.com
Quality Health Care
"You can crash at my place. It'll be like back in med school." Great. He only had been arrested twice in med school. Graduating probably had saved his life. "I just need a little help for a couple of months. That's all." It was a perfectly reasonable request - a perfectly sensible proposal his old friend had made. Except for one detail. "No one will ever suspect you. You're never gonna get caught." The catch. Dane Thompkins was having trouble with the catch. "What do you say? I'll even buy you a plane ticket." Dane had to think. He really had to think. His friend, Jimmy Lynch, had called him up and made a job offer to him. Jimmy was opening his first office, a small general practice in the Midwest. It was a tremendous achievement for such a young doctor to open an office just three years after getting his degree. But it had been Jimmy's dream to "hang a shingle" and practice medicine like his grandfather had. In fact, Dane was deeply envious of the idea. It reminded him of his childhood, when he used to play doctor in his backyard. But Dane had taken a different route after medical school, trying to get grants for his studies. He wanted to follow his ideas and experiments, yet he had found the actual process of getting money more troublesome than he ever thought. He had been totally unsuccessful in his attempts so far, and he was in a deep financial rut. Dane had been living with his uncle for the past year, unable to find work and unable to break down and accept some "lesser" job at some chain hospital or nonprofit clinic. He had his pride at stake. What he needed was a temporary thing. He just needed to earn a few bucks to pay off the bills and get a head start again. Once he had some money, he could go after the grants without worrying about the short-term. And here was his med school roommate, Jimmy, offering him just that. Quick money for a few months' work, free room & board and some good times on the side. It was very tempting, but there was one big problem. Jimmy had to cut corners on expenses to open his office, and was running it by himself. The load was too much, and he needed a nurse. The nurses' union was very strong in his state, and just meeting the mandatory minimum salary was impossible on his meager budget. So he had offered Dane the opportunity to be his "medical assistant" for a few months until he could get enough patients to afford a full-time, accredited nurse. However this arrangement was very, very illegal. It's against the law to hire non-union nurses in most states, and it is certainly illegal to hire non-accredited nurses, even if they had medical doctorates. And this was nothing compared to the financial threat of the large HMOs who would never reimburse Jimmy a cent if they knew what was going on. But Jimmy was desperate. And Dane was even more desperate. "Yeah, okay, Jimmy. I'll do it." Dane said, knowing it was already a bad idea. --- Dane's first day of work was a whirlwind of activity. He was filling out forms, filing papers, answering the phone, tracking appointments and - when time allowed - doing some medical stuff on the side. He had flown out just the previous night, dumped his duffel bag at Jimmy's place, and grabbed about four hours' sleep before getting to his new job bright and early. "Jimmy!" Dane called aloud down the office hall. "We're outta envelopes!" It was a large enough office, with a reception area, Dane's little office for paperwork, Jimmy's office, three exam rooms, and four rooms full of equipment. It was obvious to Dane that whoever was selling medical equipment in this area had made a mint with Jimmy. And it was also obvious that's why he was short on cash. And envelopes. "Jimmy! Envelopes!" He yelled again. Dressed impressively in a three piece suit and white coat that made him look years older and far more professional that he deserved, Jimmy slinked down the hall to stick his head in the office window. "Doctor James R. Lynch, M.D." He whispered. "Envelopes." Dane responded. He had shown up to work in jeans and a polo shirt, and Jimmy was obviously put off by his appearance. But Dane really didn't care. If Jimmy gave him trouble, he'd just bring up that trip to Vegas in '97. That always shut him up. "There's petty cash in the safe." Jimmy said, pointing to it. "Get some." Dane held up a sandwich and a coke. He had already discovered the petty cash. Jimmy growled and dug into his pockets for a five dollar bill. "Go get them now, before the next appointment." Dane immediately sat up in a rush, spilling the coke all over the heaping disorganized pile of forms on his desk. Jimmy's head dipped in defeat. Dane knew he was a walking disaster, losing files, canceling uncancelled appointments and scheduling eight patients in the same half hour. He had already alienated one half of the clients and had insulted the other. And he wasn't going to bring up what he had done to the microwave earlier this morning. Maybe it would come off with a stronger solvent. "I'll take care of it." Dane said, dejectedly. "Don't worry about it." he stepped back from the desk and brushed off the splatters of soda on his shirt. "Paper towels?" He asked Jimmy. Jimmy dug into his pockets again. --- It was at the end of a very long, very frustrating first day of work that Dane had finally gotten everything squared away. It was eight o'clock at night, but now he had at least taken care of his responsibilities. Except for the ones that he had pushed off until tomorrow. Jimmy strolled back into the reception area, stretching. He started to remove his white coat and fold it over his arm. He looked through the office window to see Dane massaging his temples. "Tough first day, huh?" "I thought there'd be more, you know, medical stuff." Dane said. "But it was phones, forms and filing. The three F's." "Two F's and a P." Jimmy corrected. He stretched out his back as he talked. "I know it was difficult, and I guess I didn't prepare you enough for the administration side of this job... Sorry, man." "I'll get the hang of it, Jimmy." Dane said. Earlier in the day, he had been seriously thinking about skipping out on his friend, but he couldn't do it. He had to pull it together. "It just may take a while." "You know.." Jimmy said, suddenly getting an idea in his eyes. "I did get this thing off the internet..." With that, he was off like a shot, heading down the hall. Dane heard some rustling in his office, and a minute later he reappeared with a small box. "Here we go." He tossed it to Dane. Dane caught the box and flipped it around so he could read it. "Teach Yourself Medical Office Management And Procedure." He read further. "Includes CD-ROM." "I bought that for help in running the office, but I never got around to using it." Jimmy said. "If you want to check it out, it might help." Dane opened the box and a small manual and CD slipped out. "Yeah, yeah. this could help a lot." Dane said. he was ready for any assistance whatsoever. "Lemme run it now." "Take it home. I've got a PC back at the house." "Good deal." The two took the short drive back to Jimmy's house as the summer sun set for the night. As Jimmy had promised, there was a nice, new PC in his house. In fact, it was in the "den," which was now Dane's temporary room. After downing most of a pizza and some channel surfing, he sat down to check out the CD before he went to bed. It had several different sections, and at least on the surface, it looked to be exactly what Dane needed to know for running the office. Although it was almost midnight, he clicked on the opening tutorial to see what it held. --- "Jimmy? Hey Jimmy!?" "Yeah?" Jimmy replied, as he strolled down the hall. "Mr. Shearer is on the phone and wants to talk to you about her dialysis." Dane said. "He's on line two." "I'm expecting..." Dane interrupted. "The Willard boy has been bumped back to 9:30, so you have fifteen minutes before Mr. Parker's chest x-ray session. And I need your signature on the release forms in your 'in' pile before the post office picks up at two." "Oh." Jimmy said, taking a moment to digest everything. "All right then." And he walked off. As Dane flipped through the appointment book, he was astonished at how easy it really was to run the office smoothly. Just yesterday he was lost in a mess of mistakes, but the CD-ROM had been an amazing help. The system for running the office was easy. A child could do it. It was painfully simple to him now. It was just a matter of priorities and time management. Without even thinking about it, he dialed in a phone number. "Mr. Janson?" Dane said into the phone. "This is Dr. Lynch's office. I just wanted to confirm your appointment today at 4:00." Why did people even get paid for this sort of work? It seemed unfair, really. He could sleep through this. "Very good, Mr. Janson. We'll be expecting you." He answered. A patient then handed in a clipboard and completed form. "All right, Mr. Totale. If you'll follow me, I'll take you an examination room." Dane had already decided to skip the tube for the night and go straight to his CD-ROM when he got home. If the opening tutorial had been this helpful, he was looking forward to what the next lessons could do for him. --- Dane had returned from his lunch break looking a little different from when he left. "New look?" Jimmy asked him as he stepped back behind the office window. "Just presenting a more professional appearance." Dane said. Gone were his jeans and polo shirt, now he had outfitted himself in more traditional attire: white pants, white shoes & socks, and a white "scrub" shirt. "It's important for patients to feel they're in a competent medical facility." "Right. Sure." Jimmy said. "Lemme guess the title of the last CD-ROM chapter: 'Professionalism.'" "Could be." Dane answered. "Well, it's probably is the right thing to do. Can't look too professional." As Jimmy started to retreat to his office, Dane stopped him. "There's also something else we could do." He suggested. "What we call each other." "Huh?" Jimmy quizzed. "Just for the office, maybe we should keep it a little more..." "Professional?" Jimmy finished his sentence. "Yeah. It couldn't hurt. For here at the office, you're Doctor Lynch and I'll be Nurse Thompkins." Jimmy smiled. "Uhhh... I...." He waved his hands in a gesture of amazement. "If you're okay with that, sure. I guess." "All right then, Doctor Lynch." "Send in the next patient, Nurse Thompkins." After another long, busy day, it was five thirty that evening when the two closed the office. The second the door was locked, Dane let out a loud sigh of relief as he popped open the top button on his pants. "Ohhhh yeeeaaah." He said. "Problem?" Jimmy asked, seeing his friend's face show a momentary expression of bliss. "Pants." Dane said. "I bought 'em too small. I don't know why. I haven't been a 32 waist since high school." "Wishful thinking." "Yeah. You know, I really should lose some weight. It's beginning to pile up on me." He patted his belly. "Well, if you're serious, I'm sure I've got something to help." Jimmy rubbed his chin in thought. "I got some Orlistat and some Mazindol... And I got this new thing, Melanotan. A clinical trial thing." "Gimme the trial stuff. I always like being ahead of the curve." Jimmy fetched the box and tossed it to Dane who promptly downed two pills with a swig of water. "Web surfing on company time?" Jimmy asked Dane, who peered over his shoulder at the computer screen. "Just looking for porn." Dane said, sarcastically. "It's a nursing uniform site. I need to get some new stuff for around here. New pants, at least. Plus these shoes are killing me anyway." He clicked on a button. "You need any stethoscopes, otoscopes, sphygmomanometers or labcoats while I'm ordering?" "No, that's okay. I've got plenty. I buy my sphygmomanometers in bulk." That night, Dane skipped the pizza, trying to at least believe the diet pills were working. He hopped right on the PC, ready to get into the next tutorial. As usual, the screen was producing an awful flickering, but after a few minutes, he hardly noticed a thing. --- It was later that week when the package from the nursing uniform suppliers' arrived, and Dane immediately took a break to get out of the clothes he had been wearing all week. He took over an exam room for himself as he changed, and then made a display of his new outfit. "Hey, Doc. Pretty snazzy, huh?" Dane said, posing for Jimmy. "Are you wearing mules?" Jimmy asked his friend. "Clogs." Dane corrected. "Unisex Nursing Clogs. And they're very comfortable, thank you for asking." "I suppose. You know, you're turning blue." "Just a little." Dane popped the button on his new pants. "Wheeeew!" He let out the air he had been sucking in. "Did you order 32 waist again?" Jimmy asked. Dane looked at him incredulously. "No. I'm not an idiot." He flipped open his fly to check the label. "28's." He then buttoned them back up and headed to his desk. "Where did I put the pills?" He heard Jimmy snicker behind him. --- "What's tonight's lesson?" Jimmy asked as he entered his friend's room, leaving a glass of soda on the desk for him. He noticed that Dane was already dressed for bed, in his sweat shorts and frayed t-shirt. Dane shook his head as if he has dozed off. "Huh?" He looked over his shoulder at Jimmy. "Oh. It's titled Work Delegation and Rules of Authority." "Sounds dull. I just got some lasagna delivered. Want any?" "No thanks, I'll pass. The diet is starting to pay off finally. I don't want to ruin it now." He sipped the drink. "Your choice." Dane said. "Just don't smell it. You'll be in trouble." "Maybe I should just take a look at it." Dane said, getting up out of his chair. Immediately, he started to lose his balance. "You okay there, Dane?" Jimmy asked. "Yeah.. I'm just..." He then grabbed his head in pain. "Oh, man..." He said faintly, just before he collapsed on the floor. "Dane! You okay!?" Jimmy yelled. "DANE! CAN YOU HEAR ME?" Blackness took over Dane's world. --- He awoke in a familiar place, the largest of the three examination rooms back at Jimmy's office. "Bud, you there?" Jimmy's voice asked. His blurry visage then came into Dane's view. Dane croaked out some words. "Yeeah... What..." "You collapsed at home, now you're in my office. How are you feeling?" "A little out of it. What happened?" "Aneurysm. On your left leg at the pelvis. There wasn't enough time to get you to the county hospital, so I did the stuff here." "You operated on me?" Dane was alarmed. "Just a little incision. Did it with a local." Jimmy patted him on the shoulder. Dane felt the scar just in his abdomen. If that had gone unchecked, the muscle would have died, and he could have lost his legs to amputation. He notice that he was wearing some tight pants. "You've got a compressive garment on your legs to keep blood flow normal. You'll need to keep those on for a while." Jimmy said. "But no problems. You'll be up and good real soon." --- It was four days later when Dane got back to work the next Monday. Jimmy had told him to take it easy in recovery, and when you're recovering under the care of a doctor in his own house, that meant that you had access to as many sedatives as you pleased. Dane had indeed taken it very, very easy. But being back to work was a slight relief to him, getting back into the swing of things felt good. "You ready to go back to the grindstone, Nurse Thompkins?" "Bring it on, Doctor Lynch." Dane smiled. Jimmy tossed him the office keys. As he trotted over to unlock the front door, Dane felt a little odd. He noticed that his pants were too large on his waist, and he needed a belt badly. He tugged them up and tried to keep them in place. The diet, he decided, was working even better than he had hoped. Time to order yet more pants. The day was hectic, as Dane had to undo all the organizing Jimmy had done during his absence. The office was a mess, but by the time they had gotten to lunch, he had it all back in working order. "You feeling okay?" Jimmy asked him after the lunch break. "Well, I am now. You left this place in shambles. Remind me never to let doctors do the work of nurses again." "I did my best." Jimmy said defensively. "You leave the administration to a professional like me, Doctor Lynch. You cure the sick, and I'll file the papers - thank you very much." "Yes, Nurse Thompkins." Jimmy capitulated. "Oh Doctor, here's some more papers for you to sign." Dane said with a malicious grin. He plopped a two-inch high stack on the windowsill. "Need that by two." "I saved your legs you know." "Thank you very much. But papers still need to be signed." And he made a 'shoo' motion with his hands. Jimmy sighed and hauled the papers back into his office. And Dane smugly smiled to himself. He still had that same goofy grin on his face when the two got back to the house for the night. Jimmy had picked up some calzone on the way back, but Dane had limited himself to the green salad. But to make up for it, he took a few bites from Jimmy's meal. "Doctor, I was..." Dane laughed at himself for a second. "I mean Jimmy, I was wondering if you've ever, you know, thought about settling down and raising a family." "What brings this on?" Jimmy asked. "It's just this town, I guess. A lot of families that seem to be happy just to live out life without a lot of complication or misplaced ambition. It's kind of... charming in a way." Dane finished his chewing. "Well, yeah. I've thought about it, but I've been pretty busy with the practice and all. Once it's on it's feet, I think I can start to worry about my quality of life again." He looked up at Dane accusingly. "What about you?" "I don't know. I thought I knew what I wanted out of life, but now I'm not so sure." "The town growing on you, huh?" "Maybe. A little." Dane said. "C'mon. Finish up so I can do the dishes." "You've worked hard enough already. And you're recovering." "Pshh." Dane said, carrying his plate into the kitchen. "You're the one who saved my legs. It's the least I can do." "And don't you forget it." Jimmy joked. --- "We're gonna be late!" Jimmy yelled into the house. He had already started the car, waiting on his friend to get a move on. Dane, for his part, was still messing around with his clothes, showing an uncharacteristic indecisiveness this morning. He didn't want to wear one of those stupid scrubs anymore, but that's all he had. Nothing but scrubs for work. He decided he was going to have to make another visit to the uniform website when he got to work. Rushing, he pulled a white scrub shirt on and slipped into his clogs before running to the car. Once he had his first break in the day, Dane was browsing for uniforms and trying to figure out exactly what his waist size was these days. "You're paying someone's kid through college, Nurse." Jimmy said, dropping by the desk to chat. Dane's attention turned to Jimmy. "Don't you have a boil to lance or something, Doctor?" "What'cha reading there?" Jimmy asked. By the computer, a book was open, with several highlighted passages and post-it notes in between pages. "Just studying up on the Nurse thing." Dane said, holding up the book so Jimmy could read the title. It read "Nursing and Care Giving: A Human Approach" He put it back down. "Lot's of helpful stuff on how to be a better nurse." Jimmy was impressed. "You're really getting into this, aren't you?" "As long as I'm doing this, I might as well learn how to do it right." "Well, I admire your dedication." "All nurses are dedicated, Doctor." "Yes, Nurse." Jimmy said before escaping. Dane turned his attention back to his computer and found that he had somehow completed his order while he was chatting with Jimmy. He had chosen new outfits and entered in the shipping and billing details without even looking at the screen. Weird. --- "Hey, uh, Jimmy. I have a question for you." Dane asked one night at home. Jimmy didn't break his gaze from the TV set, but answered. "Hmm?" "The thing. The surgery. The aneurysm. Do you think it could have.. side effects?" "What's wrong? Numbness?" Jimmy asked. "Ah, well, in a way..." Dane said, looking very uncomfortable. "I'm not getting a... response from Mr. Happy down there." Jimmy had at least enough professionalism not to laugh, but he did grin. He knew how funny it was to be talking with his friend about such things. "So, you're uh..." "Revving the motor but stalling the engine." Dane said. "Well, it's possible that a little temporary impotence might result from trauma to the genitals and various reproductive organs and glands." "How temporary?" "It could be a few weeks, a few months. You can never quite guess these things." "Anything we can do?" "Yeah. I tell you what, when we get to the office, I'll give you some hormone supplements that should help kick start... Mr. Happy." -- Dane was picking through the box of freshly delivered uniform supplies when Jimmy happened to walk by. "Think you got the pants right this time?" he asked. "God I hope so." Dane mumbled. As Jimmy watched, he saw Dane pull out three or four pairs of pants, a few shirts, and a few packs of sanitary white hose. Jimmy immediately picked up the hosiery and held it up to look at. Dane swiped it away from him. "Thank you, Doctor. Like you said, I need to keep compression on my legs." He said dismissively. "I think Mr. Preston is waiting on his test results in exam 2?" Jimmy picked up his clipboard and exited into the hall. He saw Dane rip open the stockings package, seemingly without even comprehending what he was doing. Dane took the opportunity to stop by the medical supply room, where he found the largest jar of testosterone and examined the label carefully - before spilling out its' contents and replacing them with estrogen tablets. "Oh, Dane." Jimmy said, sticking his head back into the front office. "Before I forget - here's those hormone supplements for your.. you know..." |
Continued at TGStories.com
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