Cheer Camp Picture Story

by Joe Six-Pack

Look, I already apologized. My daughter Christine has had second thoughts, and really isn't into the whole "Cheerleader" thing. She finally came to her senses. You know, she’s not a brain-dead bimbo throwing herself at jocks. I don't want my little girl to be that kind of person. No offense, but I’m sure you understand. Now, I just want my money back. I don't see what the problem is.

I paid six thousand dollars for this camp, and my daughter isn't coming. I just want my money back! What is so hard about that? Yes. I understand where it says no refunds, but that's just something you say in a contract. You and I both know that isn't legal. I can sue. I can take you to court. You can't charge for a service you're not providing. I'm serious. Don't you challenge me!

What do you mean, the spell has already been cast? What the hell is that supposed to mean? No, I don't feel anything. What am I supposed to feel? All I feel is anger. I want my money back!

Oh my God. Are you serious? I swear you guys are so uncool. Just give me my money! Look, you know I'm not going away. You can get rid of me just by giving me my refund!

You guys! Come on already! Krissy is not coming, and I just want my money back! This is so unfair! I mean, that's a lot of money! My wife is gonna kill me is I don't come back with it! Please?

I mean, I don't have anything against cheerleaders, it's just like, they act so dumb and flaunt their hawt bodies at guys and it seems so, k'now, like, icky. Krissy is, like, way too smart for cheer!

No, I'm not gonna cry! I just want my dad's money back! He paid, like, a ton for this cheer camp, and he's gonna, like, totally freak if I quit and he paid out all that money! C'mon, please gimme the money? Pretty please?

All right, fine, I'll stay! I'll do your dumb cheer camp, and I'll tell all my friends how nasty it is! I'll tell everyone on my socials! I have lots of followers, you know! I'll seriously trash this place! You'll get totally cancelled!

Listen, maybe I'm, like, coming a bit strong. I really just have to tell my parents that they didn't waste all that money on cheer camp. I begged them for weeks to get me this camp, and if they think it was all for nothing... I mean, you get it, right?

I mean, yah, I love cheer, but... I mean, I'm never going to make the squad. I mean, I don't even think I'm in high school? I got a job and stuff! I'm married? I think I am. I’m never going to be a cheerleader anyway, so I'm just gonna peace out, kay?

I’m just keeping it real — cheer is so much more than just looking good and knowing the moves. It's a whole mind thing. You gotta think cheer, live cheer, be cheer! All the other girls are way better at cheer than I am.

And that's why I gotta try so much harder to be the best cheerleader I can be! I gotta jump higher, shout louder, smile bigger! I can't let the other girls down! It's all about the team, and they gotta know I got their back!

If you're really committed to cheer, then you gotta put everything into it, y'know? Everyone is counting on you! Your squad members, the fans, and of course, the cute guys playing their sports game thingies. They all look to you, as a cheerleader, to keep up that positive energy!

I mean, like, go team! Let's see that winning spirit! I believe in you! You can do it! Woo! 

Oh, so sad! Krissy doesn't know what she’s missing! I guess all those certified hotties at school are gonna be mine, huh? Your loss, Krissy, but I guess some girls gotta be smart n' stuff, and others get the boys! Like, how totally tragic!

Yeah, just keep stuffing your fat face, Krissy. Some of us take pride in our bodies. Don’t hate! I’m just saying what everyone knows is true… I’m doing you a favor, really.

Yeah, I guess I’m the new girl in school? Anyone here want to show me around and give me the full tour? I think I’m gonna like it here!